You never know what you will see in the hood

Instead of cane this person was walking with a metal baseball bat.  Crazy!!!

Age Difference

My 2 year old was at the dinner table yesterday.  She said, "I'm 7."  We told her, "no, you are only 2."  Her response, "Me not 2 me 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  We dropped it there.

Car keys

This morning I had to run to the store before I went to work.  The place I went to had one of those value cards to receive discounts on the shelf price.  Well, my wife's key chain has the value card on it and I grabbed her set prior to leaving.  My key chain has the car key and the house key.  As I was driving to the store it hit me, "Where are my car keys?  I know I grabbed my wife's with the card, but where are mine?  You have got to be kidding me, did I leave them at home?"  I started patting down my pockets trying to locate where they could be.  Keep in mind, I was driving at the time.  And then, I looked down and of course there they were in the ignition. Where else could they be? This was probably one of those moments I shouldn't of left to myself but I had to share.

Great quote

My kid's have a cartoon called the "Horned Avenger."  It is a funny show with a great message behind it.  I found its website online and credibility building quote was listed.  Here's what it said,

"Big quote from some respected journalistic source." - Some guy

Source: http://www.hornedavenger.com/

Unusual Suspect

So this morning I decided to go on a walk.  Mainly, so I can wake myself up, pray, and get some exercise in.  Its cold outside so I wore my work clothes.  Black bibs and heavy black coat.  Hood over my head.  Its 440 am in the morning. As I was walking a white car pulled up in the parking lot next to me.  A guy got out.  It was a cop.  He asked me if he could ask me a few questions and I replied, "yes."  He said there has been a lot of burglaries in the neighborhood and he just needed to gather information.  I said, "do you need my name, address, that's no problem."  He hurried to try to gather his notebook.  I don't know if he ever had a "suspect" be so willing to give him information.  I told him what I was doing, where I was going and offered to give him more information.  "Do you need my employers name, marital status...?"  You know things like, the name of my first pet.  "No," he replied.  I made a comment about sticking around for him to verify my information.  "No," he replied again.  "Well, I'm heading to Walgreen's if you need me for anything more," I added.  "Okay."  And I didn't see him from there on out.  I definitely was not expecting that to happen this morning.  Good thing I was in the clear.

Thayer Central Lip Dub

My sister's class made this video.  It is good!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZR2dPzf3w0

Got this story from a friend...

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

 Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry 's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie . What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL!
 Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.  AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and..
 WOW. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!!
 I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, withtears in my eyes, body soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
 Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor... A three second burst would be considered conservative?
 IT HURT!!!
 A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh was still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

P.S... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and      now regularly threatens me with it!

   If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!

What bags?

I overheard my wife talking to my son while I was on the phone with her.  She told him he had bags under his eyes.  His response, "what kind of bags?"

Severance package

I was talking with a friend last night.  The topic got brought up about paid medical experiments.  He said he once knew of a guy who went to one, got his finger cut off, then had it sewed back on and was paid $1500.  Umm not worth it for me. 

Wig Gel

Wig Gel.  That's what my kids call hair gel, hair spray, or anything that you put in your hair to shape it to whatever look you would like.  Well, I think we are onto something here.  A revolutionary product that will change the way you view hair again.  Something so simple even a kid can use it with style.  Macaroni and Cheese Wig Gel.  Or in this case Simply Organic: Shells and Cheese (white cheddar cheese).

Clean up

I found my boys cleaning up the play room using this invention.  They would take a toy and throw it up the ramp (storage lid) and it would fall into its appropriate place.  In this case it was the container that we put their dinosaurs in.  Good thing it was the small toys and not the big ones that they we experimenting with.  Whatever works..

Monster snow

I'm watching the snow fall outside. Though the flakes of snow are huge, I heard a story yesterday of some bigger than the ones we are witnessing.  A friend of mine told me this guy he used to work with said "years ago we had us some Monster Snowfalls.  One flake would cover over 3 feet of ground."  I guess that's where they came up with the saying "a blanket of snow."

Eddie Murphy

I was telling my wife that people used to say my laugh sounded a lot like Eddie Murphy.  I found a clip on Youtube and asked if we sounded similar  My oldest son said, "I think kind of, but you breathe in air first."  Attention to detail. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X37m2AyuoKs

Shower

As I was in the shower today I reached down for the  bar soap.  It was not in its place and in fact was nowhere to be found.  I called for my wife and she told me it was in the shower with me.  I knew it wasn't there, it was gone.  So, she came in and was searching the bathroom for it.  She said my youngest daughter was in the bathroom earlier.  Where could the bar of soap be?  The possibilities started running through our heads.  And then, I realized something that happened yesterday.  I found soap in our air vent accompanied with some other items.  Guess where the missing soap was (with a few more things)?  Yep the vent.  Then, later my wife caught her coming out of the bathroom smacking her lips.  My daughter had the new bar of soap in her hands with teeth marks indented in the soap.

My daughters

So, you take your eyes off of the kids for just one minute and you never know what you will find.  I was in the kitchen, when I heard my wife yell to me from the other room, "Hurry come quick."  I ran to the bathroom to find her and with my two daughters.  The oldest one was undressed waist down standing in the the bathtub.  Next to her was my youngest one fully clothed and drenched from head to toe by freezing cold water.  The floor was completely wet and a blanket was soaking up some of the mess. On the counter of the sink was a container partially filled with water.  My oldest was filling it up with water from the sink and adding it to the bathtub.  When asked what was going on, my daughter replied, "umm bath dad."

Ramen Noodles

For our small group on Sunday we were going to have Asian food as the theme.  My wife told me that there are some salads that call for Ramen Noodles.  I'm not sure but she would know better than me.  Anyways, it prompted me to remember a conversation that I had with someone one day.  I told him that I don't like Ramen Noodles at all and if the chance to eat them came up I would refuse it.  His response, "YOU"RE (part) ASIAN AND YOU DON'T LIKE RAMEN NOODLES?"  I just shook my head.

Imagine That

We saw the movie Imagine That last night with Eddie Murphy.  The movie shows that as a father and a parent you have two jobs.  Which one is more important?  Here's a trailer to the movie.  Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pN1Enl2ZtU&feature=related

Junior

My oldest wanted to know what "Jr." meant in a name.  We told him that if you are named after your father normally you add a "Jr." after your name.  I said for instance, I was close to being called Ronald Ray Jr.  My wife said then we would of had to buy you a cowboy hat and my son said "Yee-haw."  It's so funny the directions some conversations lead to.  He said he wanted to name his boys Tidadon and Mistersaurs Rex.  Well, I guess he didn't like the junior idea.  Oh, I spoke too soon.  He said it had to be named a dinosaur name but with junior in it, like Junior Tops.  It's so funny.  I guess that's what I get for having a somewhat big family.  They think about having kids when they are young.

My wife said you can name your kids whatever you want.  She then went on to tell him of a name I came across years ago.  I used to work at a Customer Service job for an insurance company.  The agent warned me prior to pulling up the account not to laugh too hard.  I had to repeat it though to verify I had the right account.  First, I hit the mute button for a few seconds and then responded, "Is this policy on Harry..umm..Harry Butt?"  I couldn't hold myself.  I had to hit the mute button again.  I really feel bad for that guy.

Clutter

We told our kids that we are going to go through their toys and sort out what we want and don't want anymore.  Some toys they never play with and we have had for years.  For instance, stuffed animals, (with the exception of Beanie Babies and dolls).  My son questioned me, "How would you like it if we went through your stuff and decided what you get to keep."  Time for a father-son moment here.  Needless to say after weighing out the pros and cons, I no longer need to work and he is going to take on the responsibility of providing for the family.  We just got several inches of snow.  I'm sure he can make a lot of money shoveling driveways.  LOL.  It reminds me of a couple of Cosby episodes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7avCwhKtE7g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeaayMlLQDc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opGocmi0grE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urIMlfXRfcA&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OTJXcjoxls&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGNqUjb8t1w&feature=related

Who did it?

So lately we have discovered drawings on the wall, on the couch, on the table, and on the floor.  If that wasn't bad enough, we just found that someone wrote on our youngest daughter's head with an orange highligher.

Bumper Stickers

I know this probably isn't the most appropriate but it caught me off guard when a friend of mine told me.  He said that the other day, he saw a bumper sticker that read, "STAY BACK. I MAY FLICK A BOOGER AND IT WILL LAND ON YOUR WINDSHIELD."  Again, I know its not the content that I will probably post on my blog too often, but for originality it gets a 10.  My wife has a great idea for a bumper sticker but I will have to keep that one quiet until she makes it.

Bagels vs Water

I went to Panera Bread this morning to grab some bagels for breakfast.  As we were eating, my son told me that his feet hurt.  It sounded like he may be a little bit dehydrated so we told him that he needed to drink some water.  His response, "my feet aren't telling me they need water.  They are telling me I need to eat a bagel one time."  Okay?

Funny Comedian

Michael Jr.  He came to our church a few months back and will get you laughing hard!  This dude is funny.  Check him out on his website. 

http://www.michaeljr.com/ 

He has a new project where he is doing his comedy shows for some of those that are down and out, (drug facilities, Skid Row, etc;).  Rightfully title, The Road Less Traveled.  Please show your support and visit his website.

www.comedytheroadlesstraveled.com

Chicken Eggs

I was told the other day from someone I know that you can tell the color of the egg that the chicken will lay by the color of its ears.  Please tell me what exactly do chicken ears look like?